Remembering me....

Last night I came home and had the intention of going down stairs and working on my scrap book for about 2-4 hours, but I never made it down there. We all know how intentions go, they are not really priorities they are just something at one time we thought that we would like to do, but other things quickly get in the way. Before I started to make my way down stairs I thought that I would look for this poem I had written in high school so that I could post it on my blog..just for fun. Well, I started reading some of the stuff I had written and it really got me thinking. I discovered things about who I was back then...and who I am now. I was surprised how many things I had written had almost a gloomy feel to it. All through my life people have told me what a happy bright personality I have, and I think that is true. People have told me that I'm just so bright and happy that I just light up their day when they see me. As I read some of my stuff from high school I don't think that it really matched up with that. Some of my stuff did, other pieces not so much. I started thinking why I would have that type of writing, then it struck me. Everyone has good day and bad days. Everyone goes through hard times, and no one can be happy all the time. I don't think that I was or am fake when I'm happy, I think that is really who I am, but I deal with things that are hard for me too. As I was reading my stuff I began to realize on a new level that the reason I can be happy when I'm with people is because I deal with the bad stuff. I don't just leave it inside of me to eat me away. I express myself, not always out loud. As my friends know I do express myself out loud a lot, but some of the other things...that I don't know how to say out loud, or don't really know how I feel about those things I deal with those in other ways. Of course the first way is just thinking about them and praying about it. After that though I find that my feelings come out in my journal, even when I'm not "keeping" a journal sometimes I find myself just pulling out paper and writing. Also, my whole life I have danced, I loved dancing because it takes me to this world where I can just let out my tension and frustrations, I can just let it all go while I dance...it was so freeing. Now that I live in Honduras and I can't dance on the same level, I find myself running. It's a great way to started the morning to let out all that extra energy and gain a new kind. It's a great time to just think, because it's just you and the road....and it feels like your doing something about your feelings. Now do I only run, dance and write when I'm upset or dealing with something...NO those are also great times to think about or express good feelings. I found myself laughing at lots of my journal entries last night too. Sometimes when I run I think about funny thinks and will start laughing out loud. When I dance I almost always have a smile on my face. I love life and I love to soak it all in, but in order to do that I have to go through hard times just like everyone else, I find comfort in the fact that when we are dealing with something, not only is God there with us but that he is teaching us something through that. What a wonderful thing to know! Even though I didn't get to work on my scrapbook last nigh I was glad that I read back through my old Journal. It was fun remembering who I was...and finding out who I'm becoming.

The Storm

The next few entries will be things I pulled out of my journal from high school...some of them I wrote as projects for a creative writing class I took. The first one I call "The Storm"

One dreary day dripped on after the other.
Fog sitting on the horizon,
The tapping of rain never ceasing.
Pounding, pouring, mourning
To land on something dry
To quench someones thirst.
Drenching rain seeped through water and muck
Adding something fresh, yet never thought of as new.
Running and washing, never stopping
Always going forever flowing.
Peace it knew not, only continuing to break
The silence of the parting clouds
And the clashing of stars,
Sending shadows of sparkling hope.
Shadows drained out by the pouring rain
Covered by the cries of heaven.
Blowing cold, breaking the daisies
Rolling cold washing the water;
Water never parting
Days never ending, always forgetting.

Just for fun.

Play Time?

Little Sally went to ask her mom a question.
"Mom," said Sally "can I go out and play?"
"Sure," said her mom "anytime you want, except from June-May."

M&M

There once was a short little man
That lived in a very hard shell
He could not break free from this man he had to be.
He had one job to do-
Make people smile and never melt in their hand
I guess that's two.

Breathe

This paragraph is very much me. Often times at night I would go sit outside by myself. I enjoyed looking at the stars and breathing in the fresh cool air...I still do.

Outside it's a blanket of darkness, and the breeze gently wraps it's self around me. The water trickles as the crickets chime in to the orchestra of sounds. The ground proves a restful spot, with leafs as a canopy and the stars are my silent song. The night air calls for me to remember old friends. It gently pulls out old stories with the mellifluous sounds, and the water brings dancing images from my head. The smell of fresh cut grass makes my heart burn for childhood, the time it was easy..before you had things to worry with. My mind wanders like the cat down the street and soon the warmth of the ground had lulled me to sleep.

A little Japaneses fun!

Tonight I got to enjoy a wonderful night with my brother and sister. My parents were gone so we decided to go out. We got our stuff together...I grabbed the camera and the keys to my mom's car. (We took her car so that we wouldn't waste Carli's gas....THANKS MOM!) We headed out to a Japaneses steak house located in Cool Springs called Shogun's. It is one of my favorite restaurants, but I hadn't been yet since being back in the states for Christmas. As we waited to be seated, much to my sisters annoyance, we took pictures. We laughed a lot, and I was instantly glad that we had gone out together. Once seated we were delighted with a good server and the best cook I have ever had at Shogun's. For those of you who have never been to Shogun's, you have a big cook top in the middle of you table and they cook your food right in front of you. The cook we had tonight joked around with all of us (you are often times at a table with other people that you don't know.) Our cook flipped rice towards different people at the table to see if we could catch it in our mouths, and was over all just entertaining! On top of that he was a great cook and I enjoyed EVERY morsel of that dinner. It was a great evening and I was so glad that I was able to share it with Carli and Lawson!

Tis the season!

As I look at these precious pictures of my kids decorating Christmas cookies I long so much to wrap my arms around them. Just hold them for a second, (I say a second because they would never stay in a hug for longer than that, if they're not crying that is...I mean come on they are only 3 and 4 they have to much energy for that!) They had such a great time making Christmas cookies. The past two years I have made sure that the preschool makes Christmas cookies before I come home for the holidays. It was always a tradition in my house growing up to make "beautifully" decorated cookies. So I guess now I feel like my kids would not truly be experiencing the Christmas holiday if it wasn't topped off with some yummy cookies. This year after the cookies were all baked and the kids had tasted their handy work we wrapped the rest up and gave them to other people in the school. Jennifer and Marlon really loved getting to go room to room and give away something they had made. It was a great way to start of the Christmas season!