Remembering me....

Last night I came home and had the intention of going down stairs and working on my scrap book for about 2-4 hours, but I never made it down there. We all know how intentions go, they are not really priorities they are just something at one time we thought that we would like to do, but other things quickly get in the way. Before I started to make my way down stairs I thought that I would look for this poem I had written in high school so that I could post it on my blog..just for fun. Well, I started reading some of the stuff I had written and it really got me thinking. I discovered things about who I was back then...and who I am now. I was surprised how many things I had written had almost a gloomy feel to it. All through my life people have told me what a happy bright personality I have, and I think that is true. People have told me that I'm just so bright and happy that I just light up their day when they see me. As I read some of my stuff from high school I don't think that it really matched up with that. Some of my stuff did, other pieces not so much. I started thinking why I would have that type of writing, then it struck me. Everyone has good day and bad days. Everyone goes through hard times, and no one can be happy all the time. I don't think that I was or am fake when I'm happy, I think that is really who I am, but I deal with things that are hard for me too. As I was reading my stuff I began to realize on a new level that the reason I can be happy when I'm with people is because I deal with the bad stuff. I don't just leave it inside of me to eat me away. I express myself, not always out loud. As my friends know I do express myself out loud a lot, but some of the other things...that I don't know how to say out loud, or don't really know how I feel about those things I deal with those in other ways. Of course the first way is just thinking about them and praying about it. After that though I find that my feelings come out in my journal, even when I'm not "keeping" a journal sometimes I find myself just pulling out paper and writing. Also, my whole life I have danced, I loved dancing because it takes me to this world where I can just let out my tension and frustrations, I can just let it all go while I dance...it was so freeing. Now that I live in Honduras and I can't dance on the same level, I find myself running. It's a great way to started the morning to let out all that extra energy and gain a new kind. It's a great time to just think, because it's just you and the road....and it feels like your doing something about your feelings. Now do I only run, dance and write when I'm upset or dealing with something...NO those are also great times to think about or express good feelings. I found myself laughing at lots of my journal entries last night too. Sometimes when I run I think about funny thinks and will start laughing out loud. When I dance I almost always have a smile on my face. I love life and I love to soak it all in, but in order to do that I have to go through hard times just like everyone else, I find comfort in the fact that when we are dealing with something, not only is God there with us but that he is teaching us something through that. What a wonderful thing to know! Even though I didn't get to work on my scrapbook last nigh I was glad that I read back through my old Journal. It was fun remembering who I was...and finding out who I'm becoming.